Wednesday, July 2, 2014

If we were in a Twilight movie...

We would be the vamps of the East :P
heh heh

Saturday, June 28, 2014

One Crazy Week

It's been one messed-up week.

It all started last Friday. That's right, 20th June 2014, that's a memorable date there. I took leave to start caring for Lena 'cos we found she had chickenpox. 

Chickenpox... gosh.. that meant she was quarantined, couldn't go to school for at least 1-2 weeks.

On that same day, the husband was on MC and didn't go to work either. He had high fever.
Since I was already short on annual leave, our plan was I'd be on leave Fri, Mon and Tues, and he'd go on leave the rest of the week to care for Lena. 

Then... on Fri night, he decided to admit himself to Assunta, 'cos he felt like he had dengue. Wise man... I'd never have thought of admitting myself to hospital for high fever. But the man had dengue once already, and knew the symptoms.
(btw, what are the odds of getting dengue TWICE??? gosh)

And so I took the whole week off.... (woo-hooo!!) Not that I'm happy that the man and girl are not well, just happy to be away from work no matter what the situation. Yes. I dislike my permanent desk job THAT much. 

But anywayyyy... here they are... 

The little one has been one highly wound up monkey, practically bouncing off the four walls of our small apartment, and almost driving me nuts. Other than a slight fever and itching all over, she was alright, thank God.

The big one however, was all weak and tired and blur the whole week... don't be fooled by this picture.

He's finally discharged and resting at home... whew! *wipes sweat* 
And as for me... I'll be back to work next week.... almost wishing I could get a 'bout of pox too, and be quarantined for a week...heh heh... I am kidding!

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Mid-year Resolution

Starting this year I shall put myself first. I shall pamper myself first and care for myself first. Because if I don't no one else will, and the one who'd suffer is me. So I shall do nice things for myself first, then others. The world and all that is in it can take care of it own for a little while without me.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Helena's Fourth year

Last weekend was Lena's first time as a flower girl.
I hope she enjoyed herself, although she appeared slightly terrified at the beginning. After the ceremony ended though, she was so happy and willing to pose for photos :)

Time seems to have passed so quickly (or maybe it's me who have moved so slowly in my exhausted blur, trying to catch up), and suddenly this year I'm looking at my girl who is already 4 years old, built like a 5-year-old. 

She started out this year on a Frozen obsession. It was the first time she went to the cinema, and she sat up straight, eyes glued to the huge screen for almost the entire show. Here and there, she would just smile at us happily, and laugh with us at the funny parts of the scene. She was so happy.

On her fourth birthday, we gave her a Frozen-themed celebration. With Frozen cake, decorations, and dancing in a blue cape (it was a huge blanket), like Queen Elsa. Her cousins Remy, Alfie, Petra and Olivia came, together with their parents to celebrate with her. Just a small, simple, family celebration.

Oh, and she also started kindy this year. We sent to the local neighborhood kindy (they call it a 'Taska', in bahasa), one of the many in PJ. The first week was the most difficult and scary time of her young life I should think. That was the first time ever I heard my independent daughter, who'd never say she wants her mummy, break down and cry out loud "mummy, mummy, I want mummy! I want mummy!"
I've heard a lot that a lot more times since then. Not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing.


Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Our Brokenness

We are all a little bit broken, because we live in a broken world. Some of us are more broken than others. There's rarely anyone, or perhaps no one, who is not affected by the brokenness of this world. We are surrounded by broken people, and we ourselves too are a little bit broken. We cannot avoid being affected by our environment.

We all need Jesus, need God in our lives to heal those broken parts in us. 

“Being broken isn't the worst thing. We can be mended and put together again. We don’t have to be ashamed of our past. We can embrace the history that gives us value, and see our cracks as beautiful.”
― Anna WhiteMended: Thoughts on Life, Love, and Leaps of Faith

“David was caught in a very uncomfortable position; however, he seemed to grasp a deep understanding of the unfolding drama in which he had been caught. He seemed to understand something that few of even the wisest men of his day understood. Something that in our day, when men are wiser still, even fewer understand. 

And what was that?

God did not have - but wanted very much to have - men and women who would live in pain.

God wanted a broken vessel.” 

― Gene EdwardsA Tale of Three Kings

All these quotes are so profound to me. I have only one thing I'd like to say to God right now, and that is, I feel so broken that I'm not sure if there's anything left to salvage.

Most days I wake up dreading to face the day, because I'm afraid to face the challenges ahead of me. I am so bloody afraid. I wake up early in the morning to pray and I pray that He would save me from this day, but He doesn't...and still I go out and face whatever life brings me for that day even though I hate it, even though I fear it, even if it leaves me utterly drained every night. Maybe that's what He wants, maybe that's His plan for me.

To tell the truth, I wake in the morning to pray because I'm scared. What a coward I much for loving Gryffindor, I'm pretty sure I belong in Slytherin. :)
Life appears to be difficult, unpredictable, exhausting, and in short, quite terrifying. I don't know I am I going to age gracefully (whatever that even means), or how am I going to raise my daughter up to face the challenges of this world with strength, confidence and in a positive manner. 'Cos just thinking about it tires me out.

Brokeness... yes, so I'm so broken and living in pain, so then, what's next?
I am waiting, still waiting, for a reply, for an answer. And so I will sit and wait. Silently I wait. 

Monday, May 5, 2014


It's 8.25am on a Monday, and I'm sitting at home all dressed for work. Why?
Because my car battery went flat. So I'm waiting for my dear husband, who was halfway to work and offered to turn back to help me start my car and send it to get the battery changed.

The front tyre on the driver's side is slowly going flat too. It's leaking air and has to be pumped every week. Wish my tummy would go flat like that :P

What a wonderful start to my Monday. And I haven't had my coffee yet. 
Bless the Lord, O my soul, worship His holy Name... let me be singing when the evening comes... :P

Thursday, April 24, 2014


My home is in a mess, it looks like a tornado paid a visit and I have no energy to fix this.
Just. whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

What makes a good mom? 
Thirty-two this year, yet somedays I'm still not entirely sure I'm matured or selfless enough to be a mom, a good mom. 

Why are there so many things to be done?
I'm definitely still an immature child, when it comes to responsibilities. 
I hate having so much of it.

Yes, I sound rather like a petulant child right now, don't I? 
Just for a moment, let me indulge, let me rant.

Today is coming to an end, tomorrow is a brand new day, they say.

Want to know what I've learnt this year, about life? I learnt that it goes on. 
With or without you.

Time to put an end to my mindless rambling.

Friday, March 14, 2014


Day 7 - Praying for MH370 to be found today.
Whether it crashed on land or sea, whether it cruised on for another 4 hours, just let it be found today.
At least there'll be closure for the families of the passengers who're grieving and still waiting everyday. 
The wait must be agonizing, I can't imagine. 

Tuesday, March 4, 2014


Have been thinking lately... what gives humans that drive to move forward, push on, and continue living? 

Life isn't an easy course, unless you're like, I dunno Paris Hilton and super rich and don't have to work a day in your life and your only worry is what you should wear today or whether you look fat. For the rest of us (and most of us) NORMAL people who live regular is bloody tough.

And it doesn't get easier. There are responsibilities and work, work, more work. And there is the pain we go through, whether physical, mental or emotional.

So...why then do humans strive so hard to live through the challenges of each day, working hard to provide for oneself and one's family, fighting diseases and illness, the pain and fear of danger/death, either caused by another human or by natural calamities.

Watched abit of 'The Sound of Music' the other day. Halfway through I started Googling the life of Maria von Trapp née Kutschera (played by Julie Andrews in the movie). 
Did you know, the real Maria von Trapp did not love the Captain at first, unlike in the movie? 

Taken from Wikipedia: 

"Maria was asked to teach one of the seven children of widowed naval commander Georg Johannes von Trapp after his first wife, Agatha (née Whitehead), had died from scarlet fever

Eventually, Maria began to look after the other children, as well. Georg von Trapp, seeing how much she cared about his children, asked Maria to marry him. Frightened, she fled back to Nonnberg Abbey to seek guidance from the Mother Abbess. The Mother Abbess advised Maria that it was God's will that she should marry the Captain; since Maria was taught always to follow God's will, she returned to the family and told the Captain she would marry him.

She later wrote in her autobiography that on her wedding day she was blazing mad, both at God and at her husband, because what she really wanted was to be a nun: "I really and truly was not in love. I liked him but didn't love him. However, I loved the children, so in a way I really married the children. I learned to love him more than I have ever loved before or after."

It set me thinking (some more)... how amazing she was. She really really wanted to be a nun but she couldn't do what she really wanted to do because she had to marry some guy she didn't love. And if you read the entire story of the von Trapp family, the course of their lives together didn't run smooth. 

And I thought, what if she didn't marry him but continued to remain at the monastery? Would she have achieved her dream of becoming a nun? Or not? But if she did not obey God's will and do what she did not want to do, would the von Trapp family have become the famous 'Trapp Family Choir' and the children survived through the hard years? Would the Trapp family be blessed till today, generations upon generations after? 

To be continued later... (perhaps)

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Hebrews & Deuteronomy

The Discipline of God (Hebrews 12:3-17)

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons:

"My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
For whom the LORD loves He chastens, 
And scourges every son whom He receives."

If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons, for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons..........................

v11. Now no chastening seems joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

v12. Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather healed.